Dear Diane,
Not sure if you read this blog anymore, but I just had to write something. This year I fell in love...again. Just like last year, I screwed it up, but it was totally my doing this time. Regan is amazing and someone I'd be happy to spend the rest of my life with. She's sweet, compassionate, smart, funny, beautiful inside and out. I had another one of my spontaneous brain farts and came to the conclusion that we couldn't work based on one little issue. By the time I'd realized how stupid I was being (which was literally minutes after it was over), it was too late.
I've grown up a bit over the past year, but not as much as I should have. I'm still the same guy who spends too much, studies too little, and doesn't think about the near future. I can tell you were I want to be 10 minutes and 10 years from now, but the middle ground is rough.
So here we are at a crossroads, a year later and not much wiser. I hope someday she'll be able to forgive me, because honestly, I want to spend the rest of my life with her. Even as the words were coming out of my mouth during the break up, I never wanted to be without her. Here's the 3 step plan to my success:
1) Be who I say I am. I'm a law student, and that means I go to class, I do my work on time, I get my studying done. Beyond that, I have bar exam prep, a paper, work, and a whole lot more to keep me busy. One step at a time.
2) Be mindful of how my decisions have big ramifications for my future. Every dollar I spend is another one I have to earn. If I want some semblance of the life that I picture, I have to recognize that ask whether I can afford the time and money that I put into socializing.
3) Understand that I have it pretty good. My life has been blessed with good friends, good family, and good health. But things don't always work out as I plan them. I can't beg and plead my way into something I don't earn, so I have to work for everything I get. If I put my best foot forward and don't succeed, I can't say that I didn't try.
Okay, back to work. Lots of love to everyone back home.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Monday, September 20, 2010
I'm back
Diane,
A friend reminded me that the last post I left on here was pretty dark, and it's time that I let everyone know that I'm still alive.
Since I last wrote, things have been good. I spent the summer working as a judicial intern and followed it up with a new position that I should keep quiet for the time being. Let's just say it's interesting.
Family is great. My Uncle, Rob Mazolleck and his wife Laura have just had their first son. This is important because the family name will now live on for another generation. Mazolleck is my mother's maiden name, which was adopted when her German grandparents moved to Canada in the early days of World War II. They had 3 daughters and 2 sons, with only one boy being born in the next generation. This essentially put the weight of the family on my Uncle to produce a son to carry on the name. This morning that happened with the birth of _______ Allan Mazolleck(first name still being decided): 21 inches, 7 lbs, 6 oz. This is a great day and I know my grandfather is smiling down right now.
Mom and Dad will be visiting this weekend, which will be great. Mom hasn't been here since they dropped me off at the beginning of 1L year. I can't wait to see them.
Look for more semi-regular posts from me, but not too much since I will be extremely busy this year. But just know I'm well.
A friend reminded me that the last post I left on here was pretty dark, and it's time that I let everyone know that I'm still alive.
Since I last wrote, things have been good. I spent the summer working as a judicial intern and followed it up with a new position that I should keep quiet for the time being. Let's just say it's interesting.
Family is great. My Uncle, Rob Mazolleck and his wife Laura have just had their first son. This is important because the family name will now live on for another generation. Mazolleck is my mother's maiden name, which was adopted when her German grandparents moved to Canada in the early days of World War II. They had 3 daughters and 2 sons, with only one boy being born in the next generation. This essentially put the weight of the family on my Uncle to produce a son to carry on the name. This morning that happened with the birth of _______ Allan Mazolleck(first name still being decided): 21 inches, 7 lbs, 6 oz. This is a great day and I know my grandfather is smiling down right now.
Mom and Dad will be visiting this weekend, which will be great. Mom hasn't been here since they dropped me off at the beginning of 1L year. I can't wait to see them.
Look for more semi-regular posts from me, but not too much since I will be extremely busy this year. But just know I'm well.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Worst Week
Diane,
I've been making a real ass of myself lately. I got dumped by a girl in one of the harshest ways possible, but that's not the real story here. What's happening here is the fact that I haven't grown up at all. I continue to make bad decisions based only on what I want and what I feel I need or deserve. My ex did some bad things to me, but my wallowing isn't about her, it's about me.
What I wanted was to be with her, even if it wasn't right. I tried to make the situation right with her by trying to change little things about her, or trying to change little things about myself to make it fit. It was never going to happen, but I was (and insanely, still am) convinced that her and I were right together. But it's about me and what I want all over again.
I have never been able to fully take responsibility for my actions and face the hard truths. I can say all the right things and then turn around and do the exact same thing over and over again. My argument style has always been to admit my shortcomings on the surface and move the conversation elsewhere, never dealing with the actual issues that plague me. I'm selfish, self-centered, unmotivated, entitled, whiny and narcissistic. Even now as I write this, I know it's partially for my own vanity and to show others that I'm thinking about things and reevaluating my life. Half the time I don't believe the things that come out of my mouth, not because they're not true, but because they ring hollow in my ears.
What happened in the past few weeks was horrible and I don't want to be with someone who would do that to me, but how I've reacted speaks more to why she lost respect for me in the first place. She was able to see past my B.S. and understand that I'm not the man that I project myself to be.
This past week I threw a temper tantrum of epic proportions. She told me it was over on Sunday and tried to be nice about it, but didn't give me a reason that I felt was valid enough so I dug around. I found out a bunch of things I didn't like and proceeded to talk about it AT LENGTH with anyone that would listen and even some who were sick of hearing about it. Other than read for class, I got very little accomplished and spent the week obsessing and replaying where things may have gone wrong, never considering the possibility that we just didn't work as a couple. All I knew is that it was my decision to make, not her's, on whether we should keep trying or not. It's so unhealthy and it's something that I've done before.
But nothing about this is a breaking story. It's stuff that I've realized over and over again. I am the living embodyment of a Government Report that is ordered to address a serious issue, develops recommendations, and then sits on the shelf collecting dust as we return to business as usual.
She wanted me to step up and show her that I was the guy that I said I was. I failed at that. And that's not to condone her actions or say that we would have been good if I followed through on my words, but it really shows me that I'm needing to work on stuff instead of just giving it lip service. She might be the first person I've ever known that completely blew my cover and walked away because of it. My initial reaction is to blame her and to play every angle that makes her look bad, but the bottom line is that when I was given the opportunity to be the best person I could be, I couldn't come through.
Admitting this here is going to throw some worry into the people that love me most. There is so much hard work that goes into changing a lifetime of bad habits, but I have to grow up...fast. I have to be done with all of this garbage and be the responsible person I think I can be.
So here you have it, more words to talk about how all I am is words. But this means absolutely nothing unless I put it into action.
Will this work out for the best? Stay Tuned.
I've been making a real ass of myself lately. I got dumped by a girl in one of the harshest ways possible, but that's not the real story here. What's happening here is the fact that I haven't grown up at all. I continue to make bad decisions based only on what I want and what I feel I need or deserve. My ex did some bad things to me, but my wallowing isn't about her, it's about me.
What I wanted was to be with her, even if it wasn't right. I tried to make the situation right with her by trying to change little things about her, or trying to change little things about myself to make it fit. It was never going to happen, but I was (and insanely, still am) convinced that her and I were right together. But it's about me and what I want all over again.
I have never been able to fully take responsibility for my actions and face the hard truths. I can say all the right things and then turn around and do the exact same thing over and over again. My argument style has always been to admit my shortcomings on the surface and move the conversation elsewhere, never dealing with the actual issues that plague me. I'm selfish, self-centered, unmotivated, entitled, whiny and narcissistic. Even now as I write this, I know it's partially for my own vanity and to show others that I'm thinking about things and reevaluating my life. Half the time I don't believe the things that come out of my mouth, not because they're not true, but because they ring hollow in my ears.
What happened in the past few weeks was horrible and I don't want to be with someone who would do that to me, but how I've reacted speaks more to why she lost respect for me in the first place. She was able to see past my B.S. and understand that I'm not the man that I project myself to be.
This past week I threw a temper tantrum of epic proportions. She told me it was over on Sunday and tried to be nice about it, but didn't give me a reason that I felt was valid enough so I dug around. I found out a bunch of things I didn't like and proceeded to talk about it AT LENGTH with anyone that would listen and even some who were sick of hearing about it. Other than read for class, I got very little accomplished and spent the week obsessing and replaying where things may have gone wrong, never considering the possibility that we just didn't work as a couple. All I knew is that it was my decision to make, not her's, on whether we should keep trying or not. It's so unhealthy and it's something that I've done before.
But nothing about this is a breaking story. It's stuff that I've realized over and over again. I am the living embodyment of a Government Report that is ordered to address a serious issue, develops recommendations, and then sits on the shelf collecting dust as we return to business as usual.
She wanted me to step up and show her that I was the guy that I said I was. I failed at that. And that's not to condone her actions or say that we would have been good if I followed through on my words, but it really shows me that I'm needing to work on stuff instead of just giving it lip service. She might be the first person I've ever known that completely blew my cover and walked away because of it. My initial reaction is to blame her and to play every angle that makes her look bad, but the bottom line is that when I was given the opportunity to be the best person I could be, I couldn't come through.
Admitting this here is going to throw some worry into the people that love me most. There is so much hard work that goes into changing a lifetime of bad habits, but I have to grow up...fast. I have to be done with all of this garbage and be the responsible person I think I can be.
So here you have it, more words to talk about how all I am is words. But this means absolutely nothing unless I put it into action.
Will this work out for the best? Stay Tuned.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
The Ice Man Cometh
Diane,
It's 15 degrees Celcius, partly cloudy, no wind, and we're in the Midst of a state of emergency. Gov. Brad Henry declared a statewide state of emergency about an hour ago in anticipation of the big ice storm that is coming through tonight. It has probably hit in a few parts of the state, but here, it's still nice.
But the people here; WOW! Everyone is going nuts! I went to the grocery store to get a few things in case I'm stuck inside for the next couple of days, and the grocery store was packed. There wasn't one cart in the front of the store as I headed in. Tulsans were stocking up and bracing for a big winter storm. The gas stations are the same right now; there are lines out of the parking lot trying to get gas and it's infuriating.
But I guess the locals know better. 2 years ago, power was out for almost a week. Some of my 3L classmates had to take their finals in the dark. Last year, the town froze up for 4 days, with school being cancelled for 3. Tonight I feel like I did when I was little, hearing about the snow coming and hoping that I got to miss school and sit inside watching TV all day. Sadly, nothing has changed, haha.
UPDATE: I woke up this morning and ran to the window, looking for ice and snow....NOTHING. We've been in a "State of Emergency for about 15 hours now and we haven't seen any change in the weather, other than a drop in temprature. Well, I guess it's off to school for me.
It's 15 degrees Celcius, partly cloudy, no wind, and we're in the Midst of a state of emergency. Gov. Brad Henry declared a statewide state of emergency about an hour ago in anticipation of the big ice storm that is coming through tonight. It has probably hit in a few parts of the state, but here, it's still nice.
But the people here; WOW! Everyone is going nuts! I went to the grocery store to get a few things in case I'm stuck inside for the next couple of days, and the grocery store was packed. There wasn't one cart in the front of the store as I headed in. Tulsans were stocking up and bracing for a big winter storm. The gas stations are the same right now; there are lines out of the parking lot trying to get gas and it's infuriating.
But I guess the locals know better. 2 years ago, power was out for almost a week. Some of my 3L classmates had to take their finals in the dark. Last year, the town froze up for 4 days, with school being cancelled for 3. Tonight I feel like I did when I was little, hearing about the snow coming and hoping that I got to miss school and sit inside watching TV all day. Sadly, nothing has changed, haha.
UPDATE: I woke up this morning and ran to the window, looking for ice and snow....NOTHING. We've been in a "State of Emergency for about 15 hours now and we haven't seen any change in the weather, other than a drop in temprature. Well, I guess it's off to school for me.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
The NBC Late Night Debacle
Diane,
I just watched the final "Tonight Show with Conan O'Brian" online and I'm pretty depressed about the whole thing. I know, how sad is it that with all the other things I have to worry about and I'm following the situation at NBC so closely. But it's got contractual legal issues, so it's not all wasted time.
If you weren't watching, NBC promised 'The Tonight Show' to 'Late Night' host Conan O'Brian the tonight show way back in 2003, starting in 2009. When the time came to make the change, Jay Leno wasn't ready to retire and NBC didn't want to let him go, so they gave him a 10 PM EST talk show. It was a flop and was cancelled. NBC still didn't want to let Leno go, so they suggested moving Jay to 11:35 and moving 'The Tonight Show' back a half hour. No one was happy with that. Conan refused, so NBC bought him out and moved Leno back to his old gig.
NBC has been taking incredible heat for weeks over this, from all sides, all totally deserved. What they did is short sighted and indecisive. Conan O'Brian's ratings were weaker than Leno's, but the key demographic of young adults (18-49) was growing over the old 'Tonight Show' following. What does this mean? It means that advertisers pony up more cash for TV spots because that's the consumer demographic. The nielsen ratings had a 7 share for Conan's goodbye, and an 8.8 for Leno's back in the spring of last year, but only 3 shows (Big Bang Theory, Two and a Half Men, and American Idol) did better with young adults last week.
But the numbers don't tell the whole story. Conan is hero to the college set. These people (myself included) are night hawks, out when the show is actually on, and are tech saavy enough to realize that they don't have to be on the couch at 11:30 to see the show. But it doesn't mean that Conan O'Brian isn't important, as has been shown by the outpouring of support these past weeks and the torching of Jay Leno, whether it's his fault or not. These are the people that are buying stuff and it's the group that advertisers fall over each other to reach through the media.
It doesn't seem to matter though. Jay Leno is a proven commodity and brings in bigger Nielsen Ratings, which is catnip for advertisers. It's the only hard numbers that matter and measuring stick for how much networks can charge for airtime. NBC is doing what they feel is best to make the most profit and it's going to work in the very short term. But it's a disaster for them long term. Conan is the future and isn't going to go away.
But where does he go? FOX is a possibility, but they might have a hard time selling affiliates, who see their biggest profits when they air cheap syndicated shows. Those pesky Nielsen numbers are going to continue to matter and weigh heavy on what will be a tough programming decision. Cable would provide a quality alternative, but there likely isn't a good fit that could pay Conan what he was making on NBC...and probably not likely to greenlight a 200 person staff.
So this is what I'm suggesting: Support companies that advertise on Conan's new show. We might not be able to provide a strong Nielsen number because of our flaky lifestyles, but we're really willing to get behind a consumer movement. Drink a soft drink; see a crappy movie; buy a pair of jeans. A boost in the quarterly numbers will scream good investment to these companies and will send a message that the world is changing.
And a final note for NBC: Sit on it and rotate. I will never watch 'The Tonight Show' again.
I just watched the final "Tonight Show with Conan O'Brian" online and I'm pretty depressed about the whole thing. I know, how sad is it that with all the other things I have to worry about and I'm following the situation at NBC so closely. But it's got contractual legal issues, so it's not all wasted time.
If you weren't watching, NBC promised 'The Tonight Show' to 'Late Night' host Conan O'Brian the tonight show way back in 2003, starting in 2009. When the time came to make the change, Jay Leno wasn't ready to retire and NBC didn't want to let him go, so they gave him a 10 PM EST talk show. It was a flop and was cancelled. NBC still didn't want to let Leno go, so they suggested moving Jay to 11:35 and moving 'The Tonight Show' back a half hour. No one was happy with that. Conan refused, so NBC bought him out and moved Leno back to his old gig.
NBC has been taking incredible heat for weeks over this, from all sides, all totally deserved. What they did is short sighted and indecisive. Conan O'Brian's ratings were weaker than Leno's, but the key demographic of young adults (18-49) was growing over the old 'Tonight Show' following. What does this mean? It means that advertisers pony up more cash for TV spots because that's the consumer demographic. The nielsen ratings had a 7 share for Conan's goodbye, and an 8.8 for Leno's back in the spring of last year, but only 3 shows (Big Bang Theory, Two and a Half Men, and American Idol) did better with young adults last week.
But the numbers don't tell the whole story. Conan is hero to the college set. These people (myself included) are night hawks, out when the show is actually on, and are tech saavy enough to realize that they don't have to be on the couch at 11:30 to see the show. But it doesn't mean that Conan O'Brian isn't important, as has been shown by the outpouring of support these past weeks and the torching of Jay Leno, whether it's his fault or not. These are the people that are buying stuff and it's the group that advertisers fall over each other to reach through the media.
It doesn't seem to matter though. Jay Leno is a proven commodity and brings in bigger Nielsen Ratings, which is catnip for advertisers. It's the only hard numbers that matter and measuring stick for how much networks can charge for airtime. NBC is doing what they feel is best to make the most profit and it's going to work in the very short term. But it's a disaster for them long term. Conan is the future and isn't going to go away.
But where does he go? FOX is a possibility, but they might have a hard time selling affiliates, who see their biggest profits when they air cheap syndicated shows. Those pesky Nielsen numbers are going to continue to matter and weigh heavy on what will be a tough programming decision. Cable would provide a quality alternative, but there likely isn't a good fit that could pay Conan what he was making on NBC...and probably not likely to greenlight a 200 person staff.
So this is what I'm suggesting: Support companies that advertise on Conan's new show. We might not be able to provide a strong Nielsen number because of our flaky lifestyles, but we're really willing to get behind a consumer movement. Drink a soft drink; see a crappy movie; buy a pair of jeans. A boost in the quarterly numbers will scream good investment to these companies and will send a message that the world is changing.
And a final note for NBC: Sit on it and rotate. I will never watch 'The Tonight Show' again.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
The downward slide
Diane,
I'm halfway through! The rollercoaster has reached it's peak and now I am on the hard and fast slide towards my date with the bar exam. Last week, I realized exactly what I had in front of me, and just like that rollercoaster peak, the view is mighty fightening. This semester I'm enrolled in 4 courses, totalling 13 credit hours, plus my responsibilities to Phi Alpha Delta, the Federalist Society, and Student Bar Association, and to top it all off, I've joined the Energy Law Journal.
As I write this, I'm sitting in the ELJ office, doing my first subciting assignment for the journal. It basically consists of me looking over an article written by someone who is so further along in the legal profession that they've forgotten the basics. It is my job to go through this and look for errors in their citing and quoting and make sure everything is accurate. I'm beginning to figure out that either I don't know what I'm doing, or the guy who wrote it is waaaaaay off. 33 cites to check between now and friday morning, plus my reading, plus thinking about my topic for my 40 page paper that I owe the journal, plus attempting to be a good friend, boyfriend, son, citizen, and superhero under the alias of the Dark Baron(Patent Pending). It's going to be a long couple of months.
I'm halfway through! The rollercoaster has reached it's peak and now I am on the hard and fast slide towards my date with the bar exam. Last week, I realized exactly what I had in front of me, and just like that rollercoaster peak, the view is mighty fightening. This semester I'm enrolled in 4 courses, totalling 13 credit hours, plus my responsibilities to Phi Alpha Delta, the Federalist Society, and Student Bar Association, and to top it all off, I've joined the Energy Law Journal.
As I write this, I'm sitting in the ELJ office, doing my first subciting assignment for the journal. It basically consists of me looking over an article written by someone who is so further along in the legal profession that they've forgotten the basics. It is my job to go through this and look for errors in their citing and quoting and make sure everything is accurate. I'm beginning to figure out that either I don't know what I'm doing, or the guy who wrote it is waaaaaay off. 33 cites to check between now and friday morning, plus my reading, plus thinking about my topic for my 40 page paper that I owe the journal, plus attempting to be a good friend, boyfriend, son, citizen, and superhero under the alias of the Dark Baron(Patent Pending). It's going to be a long couple of months.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Mark McGwire
Diane,
I've been a Cardinals fan since I was little. In the '91 All Star game, Cardinals' Shortstop Ozzie Smith came out during the introductions and did his trademark backflip. I was sitting in my Uncle Bill's living room and took notice; The Cards were his favorite team, and now they were mine.
I've lived and died by the team for as long as I can remember. The agony of the '96 NLCS; The bitter playoff defeats in '04 and '05 when they were a great team, followed by the surprising World Series Championship in '06. I've loved players along the way; Ozzie Smith; Jim Edmonds; and like almost every other Cardinals' fan, Mark McGwire.
Yesterday was a tough one. McGwire went on TV and admitted to steroid use throughout his career, including during the magical 1998 HR record chase. I took him at face value when he said that he never took steroids, but I always wondered. I'm not surprised by this admission. There's alot of people calling him a cheater today, saying he's not a Hall of Famer, saying that he's one of the players that essentially started the steroids era in baseball. All of that may or may not be true, but after reading Jayson Stark's column on ESPN.com this morning, I had to weigh in.
Stark wrote:
... I found myself asking a question I'm sure millions of other Americans were asking:
Does this man really understand what he did?
Not just to himself. And not just to the people who cared about him and supported him.
To the sport.
To his sport.
To a sport that needed his magical summer of 1998 way more than McGwire now needs our forgiveness.
And to all the folks who got caught up in that special summer, let down their guard and basked in one of the most compelling sports stories of our lifetimes.
Does he really understand what he did to them?
I don't think he does. I don't think he gets it. He certainly gave us very little reason Monday to think he gets that part of this equation. Unfortunately for him, it's the most important part of all.
Reading this, I think it's a contradiction. Baseball was hurting. It needed a moment like this, and it needed it out of its biggest stars. Mark McGwire was one of them. The admission today does taint the summer of '98, but it doesn't change the feelings that people had at the time. Baseball was broken; the strike had killed the sport and it needed that resurgence. I remember every season articles would flood preseason previews about who might break Roger Maris' HR record; The pressure was constant and from all sides. McGwire was expected to be one of those chasing the record.
I can't help but thinking about Jack Nicholson in "A Few Good Men" and how his monologue fits here:
Son, we live in a world that has walls, and those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Whose gonna do it? You? You, Lt. Weinburg? I have a greater responsibility than you could possibly fathom. You weep for Santiago, and you curse the marines. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know. That Santiago's death, while tragic, probably saved lives. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives. You don't want the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that wall, you need me on that wall. We use words like honor, code, loyalty. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent defending something. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said thank you, and went on your way, Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a weapon, and stand a post. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to.
Baseball needed the record broken and it needed to be done by a hero like Mark McGwire. You can look back now and say that it was cheating and the whole record is cheapened by steroids, but baseball needed the Summer of '98. This moment where we revise history and how we look upon the MLB record books can only happen because the sport is on solid footing in our culture. Like it or not, McGwire is a big reason for that.
I've been a Cardinals fan since I was little. In the '91 All Star game, Cardinals' Shortstop Ozzie Smith came out during the introductions and did his trademark backflip. I was sitting in my Uncle Bill's living room and took notice; The Cards were his favorite team, and now they were mine.
I've lived and died by the team for as long as I can remember. The agony of the '96 NLCS; The bitter playoff defeats in '04 and '05 when they were a great team, followed by the surprising World Series Championship in '06. I've loved players along the way; Ozzie Smith; Jim Edmonds; and like almost every other Cardinals' fan, Mark McGwire.
Yesterday was a tough one. McGwire went on TV and admitted to steroid use throughout his career, including during the magical 1998 HR record chase. I took him at face value when he said that he never took steroids, but I always wondered. I'm not surprised by this admission. There's alot of people calling him a cheater today, saying he's not a Hall of Famer, saying that he's one of the players that essentially started the steroids era in baseball. All of that may or may not be true, but after reading Jayson Stark's column on ESPN.com this morning, I had to weigh in.
Stark wrote:
... I found myself asking a question I'm sure millions of other Americans were asking:
Does this man really understand what he did?
Not just to himself. And not just to the people who cared about him and supported him.
To the sport.
To his sport.
To a sport that needed his magical summer of 1998 way more than McGwire now needs our forgiveness.
And to all the folks who got caught up in that special summer, let down their guard and basked in one of the most compelling sports stories of our lifetimes.
Does he really understand what he did to them?
I don't think he does. I don't think he gets it. He certainly gave us very little reason Monday to think he gets that part of this equation. Unfortunately for him, it's the most important part of all.
Reading this, I think it's a contradiction. Baseball was hurting. It needed a moment like this, and it needed it out of its biggest stars. Mark McGwire was one of them. The admission today does taint the summer of '98, but it doesn't change the feelings that people had at the time. Baseball was broken; the strike had killed the sport and it needed that resurgence. I remember every season articles would flood preseason previews about who might break Roger Maris' HR record; The pressure was constant and from all sides. McGwire was expected to be one of those chasing the record.
I can't help but thinking about Jack Nicholson in "A Few Good Men" and how his monologue fits here:
Son, we live in a world that has walls, and those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Whose gonna do it? You? You, Lt. Weinburg? I have a greater responsibility than you could possibly fathom. You weep for Santiago, and you curse the marines. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know. That Santiago's death, while tragic, probably saved lives. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives. You don't want the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that wall, you need me on that wall. We use words like honor, code, loyalty. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent defending something. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said thank you, and went on your way, Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a weapon, and stand a post. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to.
Baseball needed the record broken and it needed to be done by a hero like Mark McGwire. You can look back now and say that it was cheating and the whole record is cheapened by steroids, but baseball needed the Summer of '98. This moment where we revise history and how we look upon the MLB record books can only happen because the sport is on solid footing in our culture. Like it or not, McGwire is a big reason for that.
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